hello everyone. this is the first place that I'm am "outing" my depression. part of me says, don't do that, don't let this go out on the internet...what if someone does a search and finds this? But i'm going to ignore my fears and reach out.

i have had experiences of low-level depression and anxiety in my life, but the past month has been an entirely new level. I had some health problems, including several bouts with painful kidney stones, and also a diagnosis of vestibular neuritis or "positional vertigo" which has caused me to feel dizzy and exhausted for the past 2 months. These health issues arose after two years of extraordinary stress: a job where i was miserable (no longer there), financial problems (my husband was out of work, but thankfully is now employed), and taking care of my ill child. After two years of this, i left my job, and just when i thought i'd feel relieved i crashed.

i have not felt this kind of depression since my mother died 27 years ago, and then at least i had a "reason." I am trying not to blame myself for the way i feel, but i struggle with not being the strong mommy and wife, and instead waking up shaking and crying every day.

I am seeing an NPP this week who practices both traditional meds and holistic, and hopefully she will be as good as she sounds on her website.

in the meantime, a friend recommended dr. rankin's book, which i will pick up immediately. i know that the stress i've been feeling, in addition to years of unexpressed grief over the loss of my parents at a young age, are now coming out and refusing to be silenced or suppressed. I pray that this is the beginning of healing for me, but i do get overwhelmed with fear that this is my permanent way of being.

i appreciate any advice or support, especially from those of you who have struggled and overcome depression and anxiety. thank you for listening and i wish you all happiness and peace.

Views: 550

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

As a person who's been through the anxiety part of Dr. Yue's comments, I could not agree more with her comments re: mind-body-spirit physician/healer.  This is a powerful, yet gentle tool.  You are so motivated, Jenna -- you can do this!  It's so difficult to believe it when you're deep in the 'rut - but it's amazing how the right tools can turn it all around!  Blessings, Andie

thank you both so much. i am going to sign up for a mindfulness-based stress reduction program; getting acupuncture this week; visited with a lovely woman today who is old enough to be my mom, and she hugged and hugged. it's unfortunate that much of the wellness care and the psychiatric and therapy isnt' covered by insurance, so this is a huge financial struggle. but i've realized that i have to do this to take care of myself and be a good mother, wife, friend and yes, even to love myself! what a concept! i never learned to do that, and it's so apparent to me now. i realize i never truly grieved the death of my parents ... my dad when i was 15, and my mom when i was 25. all that suppressed grief is flooding me, and i'm praying this is my butterfly time....out of the cocoon of fear and worry and into a freedom. for now, though, it's so incredibly painful, it's almost unbearable. i likely need new medication, so i will talk to nurse practitioner about that. i don't think the prozac is working. i got bloodwork done this week, and if it indicates (as i suspect) that i'm low on iron, d, magnesium, etc, i will start supplements to help. and i will definitely buy dr. rankin's book. in fact, the day after a friend recommended it to me was my first visit to the nurse practitioner, and she had a handout that was from the book. not sure i believe in divine guidance (early loss of parents makes it very hard to trust the universe), but perhaps it was a sign. i know this journey isn't going to be quick or easy, but i have to do it for my daughter. i've had days i've felt so low i didn't even want to stick around, but there is no way on earth i would hurt my daughter like that. i thank you both again for your loving comments. it really does mean so much to me. xo

Hi Jenna - if/when you buy the CDs from Health Journeys, there is another one you might try: "Ease Grief" - it is phenomenal -- very healing.  I agree with you - it's difficult to trust the Universe at times -- seems there is so much sadness and tough times.  But you are gonna' do this - you are gonna' be just great - I feel it, truly.  Take good care of yourself -- blessings to you.  And "Happy Mother's Day" :-)
 
Jenna said:

thank you both so much. i am going to sign up for a mindfulness-based stress reduction program; getting acupuncture this week; visited with a lovely woman today who is old enough to be my mom, and she hugged and hugged. it's unfortunate that much of the wellness care and the psychiatric and therapy isnt' covered by insurance, so this is a huge financial struggle. but i've realized that i have to do this to take care of myself and be a good mother, wife, friend and yes, even to love myself! what a concept! i never learned to do that, and it's so apparent to me now. i realize i never truly grieved the death of my parents ... my dad when i was 15, and my mom when i was 25. all that suppressed grief is flooding me, and i'm praying this is my butterfly time....out of the cocoon of fear and worry and into a freedom. for now, though, it's so incredibly painful, it's almost unbearable. i likely need new medication, so i will talk to nurse practitioner about that. i don't think the prozac is working. i got bloodwork done this week, and if it indicates (as i suspect) that i'm low on iron, d, magnesium, etc, i will start supplements to help. and i will definitely buy dr. rankin's book. in fact, the day after a friend recommended it to me was my first visit to the nurse practitioner, and she had a handout that was from the book. not sure i believe in divine guidance (early loss of parents makes it very hard to trust the universe), but perhaps it was a sign. i know this journey isn't going to be quick or easy, but i have to do it for my daughter. i've had days i've felt so low i didn't even want to stick around, but there is no way on earth i would hurt my daughter like that. i thank you both again for your loving comments. it really does mean so much to me. xo

I had to stop and respond to your post. Just by positing you are starting the healing process. To be open to it. You are aware of the stressors that have been in your life leading you up to this point in time. That is a good thing and the beginning of the healing process. You also are acting by making an appointment with a practitioner and being open to alternative ways to heal. To be an active participant for a healthier you is the initial most important step. Bravo !!!

I also have some thoughts that i wanted to share with you. 

Now the question is how will you heal? Your body is a perfect balanced machine. When it is off balance thats when things start to develop. Over time it will give warnings that some may listen to and others ignore. When hints are ignored and no life changes are made thats when we become ill.

In order for our bodies to heal we have to nourish it. We nourish our bodies with the things it needs. Good plant foods, a diet rich in vitamins, fresh vegetables and fruits, fresh beans, legumes, rolled oats. Nutrition is very important. 

Exercise increasing our endorphins,we do not need to go to a gym, preferably a natural environment, park, trail, surrounding  yourself with the smell and sounds of the beauty that surrounds us. Walking is very good exercise. Doesn't have to be long, 15 min in am 15 min in pm. is a good start.  The environment is the exercise not only for our body but also our minds.And our minds are very important also  Notice what is around you. Smile, as you look at the red bird, or the tree with its mighty strong trunk. Embrace nature and notice how beautiful the most simplest everyday things are. Feel the energy in everything around you and in you, because you are energy also. Walking exercises our body.

Meditation and Energy Healing with Reiki or Qigong  are both in the holistic energy healing category. Energy is all around us, and within the universe. We are made up of it and so are the trees and everything surrounding us including each other. Sometimes we become disconnected from this energy and get blockages in certain parts of our bodies. This can cause pain and illnesses and inhibits us from healing. Practicing these have been known to  increase energy, decrease anxieties and stress, by releasing blockages and allowing the process of healing to begin. 

During our life we encounter many life changing circumstances.What is important is how we manage through them and enable ourselves to release what is harmful and contain what is comforting. Our mind sometimes gets in the way of the releasing part.Our fears are partly to blame. Fears hold us back, and do not allow us to move forward, blocking us. If we can release our fears let them go we can move forward. 

Nothing is constant in the world or around us.Everything changes. Everything. The only constant is what is in ourselves our spirit, that spark, what we are passionate about. The thing that makes us who we are from the day we were born. That is the only thing that is constant.

 We can not change what is in our past. We do not know what tomorrow will bring. All we have is right now this moment.

Live this moment in forgiveness, kindness and love..( for yourself and for others)...because we are all connected, if you are healed so am I. 

Be well Jenna,

Rose 

Beeyourhealinghome.com

Jenna, I came across this in my email box and wanted to share it with you. 

You can have peace.31.05.14
 

 
People have sought peace for generations. They have rallied for it. They have bargained for it. They have compromised for it. They have even fought for it. They presume that if they can ever create an world where there is no trouble, no difficulties, no conflicts - then they can have perfect peace. But Jesus tells us (even for us who belong to Him) “in this world you will experience trouble…” John 16:33. Peter wrote: “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.” 1 Peter 4:12. You are NEVER going to reach a place in this world where there will be no trouble, no difficulties, no conflicts. In other words, you can have peace, because you CHOOSE peace… you pursue it. As Psalm 34:14b tells us “…seek peace and pursue it.” What Kind of Peace should we pursue? Jesus said: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27. What kind of peace is this? This peace of Jesus. It’s a peace where my heart isn’t troubled. It’s a peace where I am not afraid. It’s not like the “world’s peace” Because the world’s peace is based upon what my circumstances are. If my life going badly then I’ll be sad or angry. If things are going well, only then will I be pleased. That’s the peace the world knows. But this peace from Jesus is different. This peace is a promise from God of His peace IN SPITE OF my circumstances. As Paul writes: this peace “transcends all understanding” – it doesn’t even make any sense to the world.
 
 
 

Hi Jenna,

congratulations on your courage to face your struggle. Back in !997 I was diagnosed with Manic Depression. I have been on a healing journey ever since as for me medication was not an option but was having suicidal thoughts so knew i needed help. After about a year of CBT and the feeling that nothing was changing I stumbled across Tapping with a practitioner and had an immediate release. As there was a specific event in my life that had never been dealt with. Since then I have been able to address many more memories from my past and continue to clear past memories that have created feeling, thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve me. I am very lease and proud to say that I have mored from victim to survive to empowered woman now empowering others and it is my passion to share all the techniques and wisdom I have learnt in my journey back to ME. I love Lissa's book and it speaks so strongly about everything I believe in.

My passion now is running Free two hour talks Cultivating Happiness sharing this amazing knowledge and know I have assisted many who too were both about to and thinking of suicide. 

You have certainly found the right place and it is very possible to get over this that is for sure. Take care and be gentle on yourself. Pam

Hi, it's been quite a while since i posted here. I got an email on MindBodyGreen with Dr. Rankin's post today. It reminded me of her site. I have been on several different meds since I last posted: zoloft, wellbutrin, abilify. No help. Now on something relatively new: an SNRI called Fetzima, along with Lamictal, a mood stabilizer. NO help at all. I do have a new NP as of July, and though I like her a lot, I'm losing faith. She's now talking about Lithium or Cymbalta IN ADDITION to what I'm on. lord, it's too much! I wondered how much of this could be menopause? not all of it, but some? I saw a gyno today and she said add estrogen and progesterone. some people  have a lot of relief from that. any insights? I'm nearly ready to go to a hospital program because of this, but really dont' want to . thank you all.

Celedonia X. Yue, M.D. said:

Hi Jenna,

You need to find a good doctor that also uses a mind-body-spirit approach to your condition.  Prozac is a SSRI, and it helps increase your serotonin level.  Generally if I am treating a patient with depression who also has a high degree of anxiety, I will use an SSRI because these work well in conditions where anxiety is a prominent feature.  If it is not working, then the doctor should consider if the dosage is right or if you should try switching to another med.  The Zoloft and Lexapro mentioned above are also SSRI antidepressants, but each of these will have a slightly different side effect profile so I base the choice on what seems most compatible for that patient, depending on a lot of individual factors.  If the class of SSRI's fails then there are meds that work on dual transmitters such as Effexor, Pristiq, Cymbalta.  The one I select is dependent on the patient's individual symptoms and other medical conditions. 

The choice of medication is important but the use of mind-body-spirit principles is, in my opinion, just as important.  Consider each of the stones in Dr. Rankin's Whole Health Cairn - are you following your inner pilot life?  Do you have a life purpose in your work?  Do you have rich and abundant relationships?   Do you have a creative outlet?  Are you spiritual?  Do you have a healthy sex life?  Do you live in a healthy environment?  Are you financially stable?  And how do all these factors influence your mental and physical health?  Finding someone who can guide you through this process is very helpful.

I think mindfulness training would be very beneficial to you in dealing with your anxiety and depression.  I often recommend to my patients that they learn to train their minds to settle down the monkey mind that creates havoc.  Your willingness to try this tells me that you have the self-initiative to do anything you can to get better!  I encourage you to explore mindfulness training.  At first it will seem difficult but you will get better with practice and it will accelerate your healing. 

Lastly, know that everything happens for a reason.  I view the life events that we each go through as a learning experience.  Often I work with patients who feel like there is no way out of a big rut they are in and that is when I ask them "If you were God and you gave yourself this life circumstance, what do you think the lesson is that you are supposed to learn'?"  Look for the soul lessons that your experience is trying to teach you. 

Love,

Celedonia Yue, M.D.

Hello, I'm Kathy and I'm very new to the group but have found this site very helpful and informative! I too have depression and anxiety and have tried different medicines in the past.. I did not like them..I had a lot of side effects. I started reading about vitamins and found Dr. Andrew Saul ;) The megavitamin guy! He wrote a book ( a few books) one I'm referring to is "Doctor yourself" My life saving vitamin is Niacin, there is a flush and non flush but it has helped me a great deal.. I've been following Dr Rankin and listening to her meditation and it too has been a wonderful learning experience. Now I need to work on my chronic insomnia and chronic migraine.. I do take a script from my Doctor to help me sleep and one for migraines but hope to be able to sleep at some point with out it! Seems like Depression, anxiety and insomnia go hand in hand.
Nice to meet everyone,
Blessings,
Kat

Thank you Kat. May I ask, how severe is your depression? I've been in a really severe one. I'd like to stop meds--and so far I don't think they're helping--but i'm wondering if i'm just not on the right ones. with the severity of my depression i'm afraid of being off them all. I do take a multi, fish oil, D and a prescribed supplement called Depline. It's supposedly a B and folate thing. Did you get some vitamin levels taken that showed a niacin deficiency? thanks!
Kathy Wodzinski said:

Hello, I'm Kathy and I'm very new to the group but have found this site very helpful and informative! I too have depression and anxiety and have tried different medicines in the past.. I did not like them..I had a lot of side effects. I started reading about vitamins and found Dr. Andrew Saul ;) The megavitamin guy! He wrote a book ( a few books) one I'm referring to is "Doctor yourself" My life saving vitamin is Niacin, there is a flush and non flush but it has helped me a great deal.. I've been following Dr Rankin and listening to her meditation and it too has been a wonderful learning experience. Now I need to work on my chronic insomnia and chronic migraine.. I do take a script from my Doctor to help me sleep and one for migraines but hope to be able to sleep at some point with out it! Seems like Depression, anxiety and insomnia go hand in hand.
Nice to meet everyone,
Blessings,
Kat
Hi Jenna,
Nice to hear from you ;) in 2001 I had a TAC ( total Abdominal Colectomy) complete large colon removed, at the same time I had basil cell carcinoma..on my head. In 2000 the year before I had a complete hysterectomy.. I have been going through a lot.. With all this going on I retired from work and just stayed home. I hardly ever left the house.. And then I started to eat whole healthy foods and doing a lot of research ( that's how I found this awesome site) eating organic and I read everything from Dr. Andrew Saul. He is a vitamin specialist and Nicin is bringing me out of this depression. I would suggest D3 As well. I was on depression medicine and I just didn't feel like myself. Yes I get a lot of blood work often, due to not having a colon I need more of everything because it goes straight through me. I have J pouch inside of me instead of a colostomy bag ( I was very fortunate) I also get a B12 shot every 3 weeks. If you have the opertunity to read anything on Niacin especially Dr Andrew Saul I think you will benefit from it! As far as the Requirements for how much any one person should take is an individual thing I feel the RDA regulated by the government is too low.. My own Doctor never really suggested to eat Organic and take Vitamins. You always hear that we don't need vitamins, it's in our food, but no one eats the right foods to get the vitamins we need.. Sorry to go on and on I hope I made sense and it helps a bit ;) I'm here any time you need to talk,
Many Blessings,
Kathy

Kathy, i'm so sorry you have been through so much. Niacine, huh? i will ask my doctor about it. someone recommended an osteopath who takes a more natural approach, so he'd be the guy to ask. I feel like most doctors work on "their" piece and don't take a full picture of what's going on. for all i know, part of my depression could be related to something like that. I've heard alot about "adrenal fatigue," and i think several years of chronic stress probably has been a huge factor for me. I feel depression in my whole body. It's like my brain cannot feel good. like the chemicals that make you feel good are missing. i will look up dr. saul. please stay in touch and i wish you nothing but good health and continued lifting of your depression. with love, jenna

Kathy Wodzinski said:

Hi Jenna,
Nice to hear from you ;) in 2001 I had a TAC ( total Abdominal Colectomy) complete large colon removed, at the same time I had basil cell carcinoma..on my head. In 2000 the year before I had a complete hysterectomy.. I have been going through a lot.. With all this going on I retired from work and just stayed home. I hardly ever left the house.. And then I started to eat whole healthy foods and doing a lot of research ( that's how I found this awesome site) eating organic and I read everything from Dr. Andrew Saul. He is a vitamin specialist and Nicin is bringing me out of this depression. I would suggest D3 As well. I was on depression medicine and I just didn't feel like myself. Yes I get a lot of blood work often, due to not having a colon I need more of everything because it goes straight through me. I have J pouch inside of me instead of a colostomy bag ( I was very fortunate) I also get a B12 shot every 3 weeks. If you have the opertunity to read anything on Niacin especially Dr Andrew Saul I think you will benefit from it! As far as the Requirements for how much any one person should take is an individual thing I feel the RDA regulated by the government is too low.. My own Doctor never really suggested to eat Organic and take Vitamins. You always hear that we don't need vitamins, it's in our food, but no one eats the right foods to get the vitamins we need.. Sorry to go on and on I hope I made sense and it helps a bit ;) I'm here any time you need to talk,
Many Blessings,
Kathy
Hi Jenna,
So nice to hear from you. I hope you had a chance to look up Andrew Saul PhD
My experience with my medical Doctors hasn't been positive with vitamins, always give me meds but never suggest healthy foods and vitamins. Hope you are feeling better and finding answers.. I started mediation in the mornings, 20 minutes and yoga it seems to help and I've been leaving the house a bit more often so those are great signs ;)
Thinking of you, talk again soon,
Kathy

Reply to Discussion

RSS

© 2020   Created by Melanie Bates.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service